Loki´s Laughter - Heathen Humor
Assorted Jokes & Funny Tag Lines
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What's a heathen's favourite brand of
notebook paper?
-
Mead!!!
told by Alyx
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What is a heathen idea of a balanced
diet?
- A horn of mead in each hand!
told by Jacco V.
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A heathen dies and walks up to
Bifrost.
Heimdall says, "Wait a minute, son. Before you cross over, you gotta pass a
little test
to show you´ve been a good heathen and know your lore. Spell 'Thor'. "
The heathen says, "Why, that´s easy. T-H-O-R", and he is allowed to pass to Asgard.
Shortly after, a heathen woman comes to the rainbow bridge.
"Stop, lady", says Heimdall, "There´s a little test you have to
take."
"Aw, come on, Heimdall", says the woman. "All my life I´ve had
to fight hard to be respected by men,
my chauvinist boss harrassed me at work, and not even my own kindred took me
serious!"
"But it´s easy", repeats Heimdall. "Spell 'Sveinbjörn
Beinteinsson' !"
adapted by me
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A Heathen dies. After walking along a
road for a while, he comes to a fiery place filled with smoke, stench and
horrible screaming, and recognizes several Christians writhing in the flames. He
exclaims, "No SHIT ! So the Christians were right,
and I´m going to Hell !" "Don´t you worry", said a valkyrie
riding by. "Asgard is just round the bend of the road.
This is Muspellheim and its fire-thurses... we try to accommodate everyone
!" by me
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The Heathen Creed: 1) You're not the boss of me.
2) You're doing it wrong.
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Nobody expects the Asatru Inquisition.
- © Jillian Dolan
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Hey Children of Odin! Odin called, he says yeah he partied with your mom, but he
wasn't THAT drunk.
- © Jillian Dolan
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You'll know I'm breaking Frith when you run away crying.
- © Jillian Dolan
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It's my Midgard, I do what I want.
- © Jillian Dolan
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The Mighty God Thor was
riding across the skies on the fiery steed Arvakr.
He raised his hammer and bellowed, "I´M THOR ! I´M THOR !"
Arvakr looked up at him and muttered, "You thoulda wore your thaddle,
thilly!" adapted
by me
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Loki drops by for a visit in Valhalla.
"Hey, Frigg, how´s it going ? Where´s your husband ?"
"Ah, he´s just hanging around again..."
"Really ? You give him too much rope..."
by me
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What has four feet, sharp teeth and one hand ?
- Fenris !
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Did you hear of the Voodoo tribe that
converted to Odinism ?
- Yeah, now they´re hanging their chicken on trees !
by me
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Why don't Norse Wiccans perform the Great Rite?
- Because it's impossible to get a seaxknife into a beer bottle.
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Well, we're all stout fellows who are
getting bock to our ancient faith,
even though the path seems to be getting
lager and lager. Ben Waggoner
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A Universalist, a Folkish and a
Theodish enter a bar. The bartender says, "What is this, a joke ?"
by me
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How do heathens toast
the New Year ?
- Next year in Uppsala !
by me
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I used to be a Christian, but I never lost my faith. I gave it back as soon as I
realised
it wasn't mine, but somebody else's I'd picked up by mistake.
Nick Ford
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A Kristjan Thought On Heathenry
"A PAGAN! A HEATHEN! A WITCH!"
Is what a Kristjan thinks and sees.
"Our power dies with this disease!"
Payback is a bitch.
Justin Douglas Blackford
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Thor's Hammer strikes home.
Jesus screams in agony.
The score is settled.
Jordsvin
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All are tru, but some are truer.
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Dyslexic heathens worship Dino and Rot.
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Heard on "Wicked Podcast" (Ep 21), hosted by Storm and Sorca:
Two heathens were being interviewed. They made a great joke based on the fact
that while Odhinn is the Hanged God, it is Frey who is the real "Hung"
God !
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