Loki´s Laughter - Heathen Humor

 
The Field Guide to Heathenry 

Lore-Thumping Reconstructionist Heathen
You´d better pronounce that Old Norse properly, or the Gods cannot hear what you´re saying. If Snorri doesn´t mention it, 
it shouldn´t exist. Sniggers at the inaccuracies of Viking reenactors. Gets epileptic fit when someone mentions "horned helmets".

Liberal Modernist Heathen
Uses dishwasher-proof drinking glass for sumble. Appears to blot in frayed jeans and baseball cap, Raidho pendant dangling from the car´s rear mirror. Favorite books include Joseph Campbell; is the only heathen in a room not to jump at your throat when you shout "Archetype!"

Back-to-the-roots Homesteading Heathen
Doesn´t really understand what the Aesir are good for since the Vanir are doing an excellent job for his fields and farm. 
Has personally developed 9 new yeast strains for brewing mead. Want to try the blood sausage from his latest animal blot ?

Advanced Runester
Recognizable from the wood chips on his clothes. Has more carving tools than kitchen cutlery. Runic inscriptions on household items would fill a small novel. Clattering from his rune bag announces his approach; when you ask him how it´s going, he draws a tine.

Angelseaxisce Hæðen
No milord, Woden is not the same as Odin ! Holds rituals exclusively in Olde Englishe. Was heathen before the term was around. 
Exercises his democratic right to follow a Sacral King.

Folkish Heathen
Inclusive criteria for being heathen interestingly match those of his kindred´s founding members. Good Gods, he´d never exclude you 
from joining, it´s just that you don´t qualify. Believes only people with certain European genetics, culturalization or ecological environment *can* be heathens, but is found living on every continent of the world.

Universalist Heathen
Believes everyone in the Nine Realms, including dwarves and fire thurses, may call themselves heathen and join the club... 
except the Folkish, of course. Watch him work himself up after mentioning "fluffy-bunny" or "Wiccatru".

Traditionalist German(ic) Heathen
What do you mean, I have no Southern Germanic sources ? After translating all Norse ritual terminology into Old High German 
last week, it should be obvious to you that my tradition is the only way to do things right !

Solitary Heathen in Diaspora
Nearest living heathen is 1000 miles away, but so what ? He´s founded several heathen forums, mailing lists and websites. 
Will invite you to his internet kindred´s virtual moot. Regular blots to Odin for communication and to Loki for sparing his system.

Icelandic Heathens
Quiet folks never heard complaining that everyone viked the term "Ásatrú" from them, or heard discussing who is allowed 
to worship their gods.

Scandinavian Heathens
Thought that becoming recognized by the state was a good idea until they had to agree on how to do ritual, and let all those strange new people join. Their day truly begins with the night, but it´s pure rumor that their parting toast is "Let´s mead again!". 

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