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Lokiīs Laughter -
Heathen Humor
Heathen Lightbulb
Jokes
How many Reconstructionist Heathens does it take to
change a lightbulb ?
- None; if our ancestors managed without lightbulbs, so can we !
How many Fundamentalist Heathens does it take to
change a lightbulb ?
- None; the light from the burning monastery is enough, thank you.
How many Scandinavian Heathens ?
- About a dozen. One holds the lightbulb and the others drink enough to make the
room spin.
How many Lokeans ?
- Think twice. Do you really want a Lokean to handle your electricity ?
Well, how many Lokeans ?
- *answer is lost in the wailing of the firetruck siren*
How many Theodish ?
- The whole tribe, but the performance will be lead according to custom by the
Heogh Beolb Changere.
How many Folkish ?
- Just one, but it takes a while to find one with pure enough ancestry to be
worthy to touch the lightbulb.
How many Universalists ?
- Lots. Each has got a differently sized bulb, and tries to make it fit.
How many Organized Heathens ?
- Seven. One to hold the Hammer Ritual and hallow the four walls, one to sing a
galdr with Kenaz, one to perform Seidh on behalf of
the deceased bulbīs spirit, one to write the newsletter report, and three
to go off and found their own way of light-bulb changing.
How many Vanatru does it take to screw
in a light-bulb ?
- "Screw is such a base word for Sacred Sexuality..."
How many Lore-Cracks ?
- Well, since Snorri didnīt mention lightbulbs, none were excavated and thereīs no Old Norse word
for it,
Iīm afraid we cannot say for certain whether lightbulb changing was an integral part of our ancestorsī faith.
How many Modernist Heathens ?
- I donīt know. Letīs call the electrician.
How many Homesteading Heathens ?
- "Now lightbulbs, you gotta plant them in spring..."
How many Odinists ?
- None. The death of the lightbulb is part of Odinīs plan for humankind. It
will return from Hel after Ragnarok.
How
many Soulmatrix Workers ?
- Just one. As the old lightbulbīs litr and önd seem to have
gone out in a flash of odhr, he invokes the bulbīs disir
and
invites its fylga to settle into the new bulb according to wyrd,
hopefully with better hamingja next time. How
many Seidhworkers ?
- A chorus of nine is chanting, while the Seidhworker accompanies the late
bulbīs spirit to the Gate of Hel (hoping it will be reborn
to its tribe later), then conveniently screws the new bulb in from his High Seat
under the socket. How many RuneVitkis ?
- One, but itīs really hard to scratch runes on the glass. How
many Christian-Bashers ?
- Lightbulbs are the product of a Christian culture. Good riddance !
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